I purged. AGAIN. I'm so tired of being in this in between state of kinda-recovered, kinda-still-fucked-up. After I got out of treatment, I went over a year without purging. I was rocking the intuitive eating thing and thought I was "recovered". Then the binging started happening. I was expecting that frankly. I've been overeating/binging my whole life, so I wasn't expecting 2 weeks of treatment to cure a lifetime's worth of food issues. But then the binging started happening more and more often. And then, about 6 months ago, I purged. I was really shaken up. I hate bulimia and the idea of relapse scared the crap out of me. I didn't purge for about three months. Now I've been binging and purging about once a week.
I really don't want to be bulimic again. I nearly lost everything; my job, my school, my wonderful BF. I cannot go back there; I know that. What I don't know is how I'm going to get myself out of this rut. Tomorrow I sit and I read and I recover and I reflect. I'm going to be healthy, I owe myself that much.
No comments:
Post a Comment